It has been a while.
I am no longer in Finland. Can’t believe it.
We moved to Ireland in mid July.
Everything should be ok now.
That’s what I was hoping.
Things should be back to the norm.
I should be able to function like normal.
But I don’t feel the normal.
Some aspects of our life have improved. Alhamdulillah.
But for some reasons, I think I became more sensitive toward rejections. When I suggested something and denied, I found it energy-sucking, so deeply that I decided better not to wanting anything. Just stop wanting or suggesting. Keep everything to myself. And now my family got annoyed me being quiet and less accommodating when it comes to small talk.
I also must learn not to ask feedback on my cook.
Today I was so happy that I am motivated to prepare some food so when kids coming home, they immediately have something to eat before dinner.
I cooked Japanese fried rice. Using a little bit extra of garlic, and no meat at all, there’s only egg. I thought it tastes good.
One of my kids said, “you should put some fishballs.”
The other one said it clear, “I don’t have any positive feedback on it. Yeah, that’s it.”
I felt very sad.
I never said anything like that to my mom or dad. Why I have to deal with attitude like this? I guess that is not a relevant question because at the end we are all His. He will never test us beyond our strength.
I should spend more time on my own.